Chips and Dips

September 28, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

Regular readers of this blog — all 19 of you — have probably seen a few of my attempts at parody or send up of some of the odd or bizarre conspiracy theories that I’ve run across. The thing about parody, though, is that it compels you to be even more bizarre than the object of parody itself, and sometimes that’s just downright difficult. Case in point: A recent article in the Huffington Post, an online news magazine whose author suggests that the Masonic Child ID Program (known around the US and Canada as MasoniChIP, or some variation thereof) is not only unnecessary,  but is actually part of a nefarious plan by those nefarious Freemasons to collect the DNA of children around North America for, err, nefarious purposes. Nefariously, of course.

You can read the article if you want more details, but in essence, Amy MacPherson suggests (and I write that because she never seems to actually reach any conclusion, or present enough evidence to state outright)  that because the CHIPS programs do not have a direct connection to government-run DNA databases, people should be wary of allowing them (CHIPS volunteers) to actually take any information.

MacPherson does raise several salient points, but it’s sad to see that she couldn’t spend an extra ten or fifteen minutes on Google to find answers to her questions.

In the US and Canada, the MasoniChIP volunteers do not save any of the personal information. There are a number of reasons for this, but we really do not have the resources to store backup copies, nor would we want the responsibility for ensuring their retrievability. Anyone who has seen the basement of a typical lodge in New England knows exactly what I mean: Some lodges are candidates for those Hoarders episodes. “You can’t throw that away! Don’t you know that old John Smith’s grandfather donated that broken chair after he came back from the war?” or “I know that we haven’t had a DeMolay chapter here since 1962, but we can’t get rid of those moldy banners and signs because we might bring it back one day.” Appropriate for DNA storage? I don’t think so.

It’s interesting, though, that MacPherson takes issue with a volunteer group that provides a child safety service, and that it is not directly connected to a government-run DNA database (to make it easier to identify children), but doesn’t seem to bat an eye over the concept that there are government-run DNA databases in the first place! I mean, didn’t she ever watch The X-Files?

More to the point, though, is that it doesn’t appear that MacPherson interviewed any, you know, actual Masons,  let alone any involved in the program for this article.

That’s just as well, of course, because MacPherson completely missed the bigger news. We all know that the program isn’t really about Child ID at all. I mean, here we put the acronym CHIPS right in front of her, and she completely misses the real story: The program is actually about inserting RFID tracking devices, i.e., micro-chips, into people so we can track them when we finally get that New World Order thing sorted out. We’re starting with the children, and eventually we will move to the elderly, and soon after, most people won’t think twice about giving up some DNA and fingerprint samples. Our “health care professionals” are already experts at implanting chips without the subject noticing, and with the hidden apps that we’re installing on all of those “smartphones,” it will be an easy task to sort and track anyone that we need to.

I’d like to suggest that we start with reporters who don’t know how to write a story.

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