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Chippier & Dippier

October 9, 2012 1 comment

It was just a couple of weeks ago that we were discussing an article in which someone complained about the MasoniChip (Child ID) program. Now it seems that a hacker has been attacking various Masonic CHIP websites because:

We are fighting against putting RFID chips inside children by masons they have plan to put chips in all of us and those who don’t want it won’t be able to buy and sell. So I down all those site’s for them
The irony is that a good hacker should be able to read code, but unfortunately, this person didn’t bother to read the English that is all over those websites, explaining that — despite the admittedly confusing name — nobody is implanting any “chips” anywhere. CHIP simply stands for “Child Identification Program.
The situation is unfolding even as I write this. You can follow as more develops on Hacker News.
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Categories: Anti-Masonry, CHIP, Freemasonry

Chips and Dips

September 28, 2012 4 comments

Regular readers of this blog — all 19 of you — have probably seen a few of my attempts at parody or send up of some of the odd or bizarre conspiracy theories that I’ve run across. The thing about parody, though, is that it compels you to be even more bizarre than the object of parody itself, and sometimes that’s just downright difficult. Case in point: A recent article in the Huffington Post, an online news magazine whose author suggests that the Masonic Child ID Program (known around the US and Canada as MasoniChIP, or some variation thereof) is not only unnecessary,  but is actually part of a nefarious plan by those nefarious Freemasons to collect the DNA of children around North America for, err, nefarious purposes. Nefariously, of course.

You can read the article if you want more details, but in essence, Amy MacPherson suggests (and I write that because she never seems to actually reach any conclusion, or present enough evidence to state outright)  that because the CHIPS programs do not have a direct connection to government-run DNA databases, people should be wary of allowing them (CHIPS volunteers) to actually take any information.

MacPherson does raise several salient points, but it’s sad to see that she couldn’t spend an extra ten or fifteen minutes on Google to find answers to her questions.

In the US and Canada, the MasoniChIP volunteers do not save any of the personal information. There are a number of reasons for this, but we really do not have the resources to store backup copies, nor would we want the responsibility for ensuring their retrievability. Anyone who has seen the basement of a typical lodge in New England knows exactly what I mean: Some lodges are candidates for those Hoarders episodes. “You can’t throw that away! Don’t you know that old John Smith’s grandfather donated that broken chair after he came back from the war?” or “I know that we haven’t had a DeMolay chapter here since 1962, but we can’t get rid of those moldy banners and signs because we might bring it back one day.” Appropriate for DNA storage? I don’t think so.

It’s interesting, though, that MacPherson takes issue with a volunteer group that provides a child safety service, and that it is not directly connected to a government-run DNA database (to make it easier to identify children), but doesn’t seem to bat an eye over the concept that there are government-run DNA databases in the first place! I mean, didn’t she ever watch The X-Files?

More to the point, though, is that it doesn’t appear that MacPherson interviewed any, you know, actual Masons,  let alone any involved in the program for this article.

That’s just as well, of course, because MacPherson completely missed the bigger news. We all know that the program isn’t really about Child ID at all. I mean, here we put the acronym CHIPS right in front of her, and she completely misses the real story: The program is actually about inserting RFID tracking devices, i.e., micro-chips, into people so we can track them when we finally get that New World Order thing sorted out. We’re starting with the children, and eventually we will move to the elderly, and soon after, most people won’t think twice about giving up some DNA and fingerprint samples. Our “health care professionals” are already experts at implanting chips without the subject noticing, and with the hidden apps that we’re installing on all of those “smartphones,” it will be an easy task to sort and track anyone that we need to.

I’d like to suggest that we start with reporters who don’t know how to write a story.

Defenders of the Faith

October 14, 2009 Leave a comment

The other day, Freemason Information had a post about the York Rite degrees. As some of you know, the York Rite has a reputation for being a “Christianized” appendant order; this is because of the interpretation that some people have of the Knights Templar Commandery, which, upon initiation, ask a candidate “If called to fight in a religious cause, will you give preference to the Christian religion?”

To this, I jokingly asked “What happens if the war is the Baptists against the Catholics?” Yes, I was being facetious, but also, as it turns out, perhaps a bit prescient.

Look what turned up in my news reader today from The Raw Story:

North Carolina church to burn ‘Satan’s books,’ including works of Mother Teresa.

By Kathleen Miller
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 — 11:50 am

A Baptist Church near Asheville, N.C., is hosting a “Halloween book burning” to purge the area of “Satan’s” works, which include all non-King James versions of the Bible, popular books by many religious authors and even country music.

The website for the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, N.C., says there are “scriptural bases” for the book burning. The site quotes Acts 19:18-20: “And many that believed, came and confessed and shewed their deeds. Many of them also which used curious arts, brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed.”

Church leaders deem Good News for Modern Man, the Evidence Bible, the New International Version Bible, the Green Bible and the Message Bible, as well as at least seven other versions of the Bible as “Satan’s Bibles,” according to the website. Attendees will also set fire to “Satan’s popular books” such as the work of “heretics” including the Pope, Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and Rick Warren.

“I believe the King James version is God’s preserved, inspired, inerrant and infallible word of God,” Pastor Marc Grizzard told a local news station of his 14-member parish.

Grizzard’s parish website explains that the Bible is the “final authority concerning all matters of faith and practice,” for Amazing Grace Baptist Church. In the Parish doctrinal statement, Grizzard expounds that “the Scriptures shall be interpreted according to their normal grammatical-historical meaning, and all issues of interpretation and meaning shall be determined by the preacher.”

The event also seeks to destroy “Satan’s music” which includes every genre from country,rap and rock to “soft and easy” and “Southern Gospel” and” contemporary Christian.”

David Lynch, a resident of nearby Asheville, N.C., told Raw Story “it’s a little disconcerting how close this is to my home.”

“They are burning so much stuff I’ve dubbed them the hypocritical Christian Taliban,” Lynch said in a phone interview with Raw Story. “Just the scope of all the information they want to destroy is pretty disturbing.”

Church leaders did not respond to Raw Story’s requests for comment, but the website notes they will be providing “bar-b-que chicken, fried chicken and all the sides” at the book burning.

No word on if they are also burning The Lost Symbol,  The DaVinci Code, and other Dan Brown books. Also no word on if they are burning, say, Freemasons for Dummies.

Just as disturbing is the idea that they are going to burn all genres of music, including “Southern Gospel” and contemporary Christian music. Good thing I’ve already got my Jars of Clay albums on MP3.

While it’s easy for me to joke about this, the point is that this is the kind of mentality that we, as Masons, face when we’re up against the typical religious anti-Mason. The church leaders in this story have no conception of the irony that they portray. Such thinking is almost immune to reasoning; in a similar fashion, we still see some of the same deficiencies in thinking when meet those who would claim that since we, as a fraternity, make an effort to be inclusive and tolerant of all religions, that we, ourselves, are heretical — that is, when we’re not downright Satanic.

I really don’t know what to make of this. Yes, certainly the Amazing Grace Baptist Church is entitled to their opinions. However, I think it’s sad that this kind of intolerance still happens here in the US. On the other hand, I’m glad that such pockets of inanity are regularly exposed via the internet news services, instead of festering in isolated communities.

Clandestine Conspiracy Talks

May 20, 2009 Leave a comment

Coming on the heels of a great Masonic Central podcast with Chris Hodapp about conspiracy theories and secret societies, here’s an interesting article from Fox News about a clandestine meeting among a group of people who are known for their money and financial empires.

World’s Richest Moguls Met in New York for Secret Charity Meeting

What do Oprah, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, George Soros and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg have in common? It’s a secret, but I am sure you can guess.

Money.

These and a handful of other mega-moguls coordinated their busy schedules to gather for a top-secret meeting in the Big Apple to talk greenbacks — not protecting them, but spending them, according to IrishCentral.com.

It was all for a good cause, but details of the mysterious May 5 meeting are vague. What is known is that each billionaire got to speak for approximately 15 minutes on the global economic crisis and how best to support philanthropic causes, IrishCentral reports.

Others in attendance also included David Rockefeller Jr., chairman of Rockefeller Financial Services; Ted Turner, founder of CNN; and John Morgridge, former CEO of Cisco, and his wife.


Do you suppose that anyone will accuse Oprah or Bill Gates about being Freemasons or Illuminati?

Masonic Media: Secret messages in commercial broadcasts

April 15, 2009 2 comments

I thought that the X-Files and its short-lived spin-off Millenium was the last major attempt by Freemasons to pass instructions coded into broadcast media, but as I was watching television the other night, I saw what can only be a resumption of those messages.

Amateur students of Masonic Konspiracies have most likely missed the commercial  tie-in of Burger King and Spongebob Squarepants, but it did not escape me that this is a blatant attempt to pass along coded messages, and perhaps to insinuate the hidden Masonic agendas into our youth culture.

For those who may have missed the commercials, they are an ingenious method indeed; most adults would not bother to watch commercials aimed at pre-teens, and what could be a more innocuous cartoon than Spongebob? That’s the genius of the plan.

But think about the character itself: Spongebob Squarepants is a square-shaped creature, a geometric shape to which Masons frequently refer. The commercial features the rather creepy Burger King. The term “King” is too obvious for me to reference, and I won’t go into the minutiae about how “Burger” refers to the German-Austrio Hapsberg royal house. But the tie-in itself obviously references an alignment of the Freemasons – who have notably been allied with the British House of Windsor – with other members of the European royal houses. It’s not clear if the Freemasons are severing their relationship with the Windsors, or if (more likely) there is to be a merging of the lines in preparation to a One World Order.

I’m sure that there is no need to mention that the original Illuminati were from Austria.

And it wasn’t lost on me that using “rap” music was an intentional signal. Masons frequently use “raps” of gavels in their secret ceremonies, and by co-opting an old tune by “Sir” (another clue about royalty!) Mix-A-Lot was meant to catch the attentive ears of brother Masons in the English-speaking countries.

The commercial features a number of otherwise shapely young women dancing to this “rap” music, all of them wearing square-shaped boxes in their pants, which they display – indeed, call attention to – by their rhythmic shaking. Once you look past the overtly sexual innuendo, one realizes that they are shaking their “booty”, a reference to the riches to be gained by controlling the world’s monetary supply.

Man, those pants are "square"!

The Hapsburg-Illuminati “King” symbolically inspects the trustworthiness (i.e., the “squareness”) of the offer of a merger for  economic gain (i.e., the  “booty”) proposed by the rapping Freemasons.

A secondary reference, though, is that “booty” is a term associated with pirates; pirates have been in the news lately, and alert konspiracy researchers will no doubt be aware that Freemasons may have descended from the heretical Knights Templar who escaped the purge of 1307, many of whom were rumored to have taken ships and plied the Mediterranean and southern European coasts. These ships were known to have sailed under a flag on which was a picture of a skull with crossed bones – a gruesome image with is still referenced by Freemasons even today.

And in case there are still some doubting Thomases, the 30-second commercial is really just an edit of a much longer, 2-1/2 minute message that is being broadcast through the YouTube medium. I haven’t had time to decipher the entire code, but I have managed to secure a copy of the text, which I have verified by listening to the commercial a number of times. I would appreciate any help or insights from other Masonic konspiracy experts in further deciphering what appears to be a message of callipygian importance.

I like square butts and I cannot lie
Squid and Sea Star can’t deny
When a sponge walks in, four corners and his pen
Like he got phone book implants, the crowd shouts

All the ladies stare
Dang those pants are square!

Swimming through the seaweed tangle
Is a butt with sharp right angles

Now Sponge Bob, I wanna get witch-ya
‘Cuz you’re making me rich-ah
Underwater, we keep it grungy
‘Cuz everybody knows that ‘He so spongey!’

Ooh, Rumplespongeskin
You dance, but your hips don’t bend
So groove it and move it
If you got caboose, then prove it

Sponge Bob is dancing
And Squidward is glancing
He’s hatin’… wet
He’s got Sponge Bob runnin’ his set

I’m tired of all these chairs
They don’t accommodate these squares
Take the average box tell him that
You gotta have square back

Mr. Krab! Yeah!
Patrick! Yeah!
Has Sponge Bob got the butt? Oh yeah!
Then shake it, now shake it
Shake it, now shake it
Shake that cubicle butt

Sponge Bob got back

Naw, dude, I said cubicle, not booty-ful. Don’t trip.Yeah baby, when it comes to sea life, curves ain’t got nothin’ to do with Bob’s selection.
2 by 2 by 2 square trousers, working that black belt, looking like dotted lines.
That’s how Sponge Bob like to rock them threads baby.

A word to the DC sponges who wanna get wit it
And watch Sponge Bob kick it

I gotta be straight when I say you gotta scrub ’til the break of dawn.
Bob got it goin’ on
Been known to rock him a thong
Them round butts won’t admit it
But they’d wear that gear if they could fit it

You can draw his body on paper
His waistline really don’t taper
Your girlfriend wants to squeeze him
Wanna push his pores and tease him

But Sponge Bob ain’t gonna have too much of that squeezin’
You other sponges don’t want none …

…unless you rock square buns!

To the new sponges in the magazines
You ain’t it Miss Thang
We rock them cubes, gals and dudes
Put it down at the goo lagoon

Some other box must get jealous
At the moves that come from square fellas
See Bob and they wanna get him
But Sandy Cheeks she won’t let ‘em

If you happen to wander on land
And you wanna be a square butt fan
And drive the crew right to Burger King
And give that sponge a ring

Sponge Bob got back!

It’s difficult to understand just what this message means. I’m counting on everybody reading this to share their insights so that we can figure it out.

… through ignorance…

July 21, 2008 Leave a comment

“[. . . ] and neither are you to suffer your zeal for the institute to lead you into arguments with those who, through ignorance, may ridicule it.”

From Cectic – The Comic


First, I want to thank my hosts Greg Stewart and Dean Kennedy of Masonic Central for having me as a guest. It was fun, and while I may be modest most of the time, how could I resist when such charming brothers ask not once, but several times for the pleasure of my company?

Second, I imagine that my brothers in Connecticut want to thank Greg and Dean for waiting until July, so that they don’t have to listen to me ask “Didja hear my podcast? Huh? Didja? How was it? Was it good? Didja like it? Huh? Didja?” for the rest of the summer. I’m sure that everyone around me hopes that my over-inflated ego will have returned to normal by the time that meetings start again in September.

That said, based on some of the comments and emails that I’ve received, I thought I should take a moment to clarify some of my comments on certain topics, while I still have my dues card.

There are dozens of masoniphobic web boards, ranging from those run by religious fundamentalists who believe that Freemasons worship some demon, or at least, some entity that is not the One True God© that they, themselves believe in. Other boards are run by people who believe that Freemasons either run, or inexplicably who are the bottom rung on the Illuminati/New World Order hierarchy. I say “inexplicably” because most of the time they keep referencing some mythical “high ranking Freemasons.” A few even espouse theories that Masons are somehow connectied with aliens or NASA or are involved in the moon landing hoax. Sometimes you can even see some intermingling of ideologies, which in itself presents some ironic humor. I’ve declined to point out these boards, mainly because it’s pretty easy to find them if you search on terms such as “Freemason Conspiracy” and “Freemason Demon Worship.”

I used to argue with masoniphobes, but I’ve given up. They don’t want to believe me; their minds are already made up, and they are going to nit-pick every bit of evidence that I try to give them to prove their ideas wrong, if not outright ridiculous. They are going to twist words, pull quotes from Pike and Mackey and Hall out of context. They are going to point to the Washington Monument and to the occult Masonic symbols on the back of the one-dollar bill. To those of such a mind, there is no argument. Seriously, if you’re not willing to entertain other concepts, then what you’re doing is not arguing, it’s simply name-calling.

In the US and in some other areas, Freemasons are cautioned after they are initiated not to let themselves get dragged into arguments with masoniphobes. Masoniphobes everywhere are reading this and thinking “Ah ha! That’s because the new Mason hasn’t been completely indoctinated into the cult.”

Feh! Indoctrination is so last century. The truth is, we wait until they become Master Masons and then give them the mind control implants. It’s much easier, it takes less time, and our Zeta Reticulan  overlords protectors have a huge supply of them – enough for everybody in the US and UK, in fact.

Yes, that’s right. A few years ago I got tired of arguing, so I decided to take another tactic. Since the masoniphobes are accustomed to a certain amount of pushback, I’ve decided to throw them off-balance; applying a metaphorical judo, if you will. For the last year or so, I’ve been telling them “You think we’re part of the Illuminati? Hell, that’s the least of what we are! You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

You’d be surprised at how well this actually works. In fact, the results point out some sociologically interesting things.

A number of times in the last few years I’ve had discussions with people who are convinced that Masons are part of some kind of global political conspiracy. My approach is now to agree with them, and then point out just how deeply ingrained we are in the various financial and political hierarchies around the globe. The responses I get are almost paradoxical: at first, they express something like “Ah hah! I knew it all along!” but as I describe the depth and breadth of the conspiracy, surpassing even their own accusations, they get confused and sometimes nervous. They tell me that I’m making it up, that Masons can’t possibly be as deeply into it as I claim.

How fascinating. I overpower their belief systems by feeding back into it, which causes them to go back and re-examine their original claims. It’s almost as if they have a certain capacity for belief that can not be stretched.

Now, I’m not sure if this counts as “not arguing.” But can anyone blame me for not resisting the subversiveness of this approach?

Getting The Third Degree

October 23, 2007 Leave a comment

The Grand Lodge in Connecticut has been pushing the idea of a state-wide “open house” for the public. Not for them to visit the Grand Lodge itself, which, until this week was still under construction (that’s right – Connecticut did not have a Grand Lodge building, meeting instead in one of the several large Masonic temples around the state, or in a hotel conference center). The open house is supposed to take place this Saturday, October 27th. Almost two dozen lodges have committed to opening and having tour guides or something of interest to the public, including Friendship Lodge, and my affiliate lodge, Sequin-Level No. 140. One of the committees, I think it’s Masonry in Action (I’m sure I’ll be corrected on the name) managed to contact a reporter for one of the “alternative” newspapers, who agreed to write up a little article to help promote this.

Accordingly, last week I exchanged a few emails with Adam Bulger of the Hartford Advocate, who called and chatted with me for a good half hour about Freemasonry. Unfortunately, Mr. Bulgar’s views may have been colored by first reading this blog. Yes, our big chance to make a good first impression, and of all things for him to research he reads random posts on The Tao of Masonry. While the article is not about me, of course, there’s no mistaking the author’s perspective when he writes:

“In addition to being the District Grand Lecturer for the Hartford-area district, [Tom] Accuosti writes the blog The Tao of Masonry.Accuosti’s blog is written in a lighthearted, jokey manner — he calls himself the “Exalted Keeper of the Secrets of Freemasonarianism” and “Crop Circle Planning & Zoning Commissioner.” Other Connecticut Mason blogs, including Movable Jewel, written by an officer in Middletown and New Haven Mason Charles Tirrell’s Masonic Renaissance, take the order more seriously. (emphasis mine)

My first reaction was “Lighthearted and jokey? Where the hell would he get that idea?”

Then I remembered the email I sent off to him, which said, in part:

“Masons having some innate love for assigning fancy titles, I now answer to “Very Worshipful,” which entitles me to as much respect as, say, an ‘assistant to the editor.'”

and

“[…] unfortunately, there are still a number of people who are under the impression that we are actually sitting on the Temple of King Solomon or hiding the Treasure of the Templars, or acting as advance scouts for the Illuminati (or the CFR, Bilderbergs, Zeta-Reticulans, etc.)”

Oh.

*ahem*

Yes, well, anyway, the online article features a nice shot of WB Dave Edman, PM of Friendship, and one of the brothers spearheading this publicity event; flanked by WB Jim VanderEyk (currently Chaplain at Friendship) and Ed Lawson, the Chaplain at Fredrick-Franklin No. 14 in Plainville. All were on hand to answer questions for the Advocate photographer.

Most impressive to me, though, was that the reporter was actually deferential in asking questions, and clearly was hesitant to ask something that might be overly personal or inappropriate about the Craft. I think I helped to set his mind at ease by explaining that the “secrets” of Masonry are not the ones written in the books – or as the case may be, all over various web sites.

I have no idea how helpful this article will be in terms of getting people to the lodges on a nice Saturday afternoon. But I certainly hope that it presents a new perspective for people who either have never thought about the Freemasons, or who only know us because their grandfather might have been a member.

Anyone who has not picked up a copy of the free weekly arts & entertainment journal can read the online article. And remember to leave a comment telling Mr. Bulger how pleased you are with his writing.

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